Romance Book Sex in Real Life -- It's About Time

Romance Book Sex in Real Life – It’s About Time

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Romance book sex is appealing to many because it’s a chance to live out fantasies and to experience the different emotions evoked from having them fulfilled — like happiness, love, sensuality, and being cherished just to name a few.

Through romance books and movies we are able to satisfy those emotional yearnings.

But, why not get these passionate longings met in real life?

I propose we can have “romance book sex” in real life if we complete some personal growth and healing work beforehand.

Why romance book sex is so hot…

  • There are two people who are really attracted to each other.

  • There is “drama & conflict” that feeds their attraction.

  • They get placed in romantic scenarios.

  • Each person is extremely focused on the other.

  • The characters feel their feelings intensely.

  • They are very present during the act of sex – describing each sensation and movement.

  • Both orgasm.

  • They have genuine feelings for each other that grows.

Before we talk about getting some of “that,” let’s address one important ingredient in the romance-book-sex plot line that most of us—experienced and awakened women—don’t want much of, and that is “drama and conflict.”

We want love, trust, compassion, friendship, and passion. We don’t mind the occasional argument, but we don’t want anything that would compromise our ability to trust the other person.

How can we keep the “drama” out of our fantasy-made-real?

In order to have romance-book-sex—without the drama—we have to have dealt with our personal problems first so that we can approach our relationship in a loving and healthy manner ready and confident to ask for more of — anything.

We have to take care of our issues—bad memories, traumas, upbringing, and belief systems—that prevent us from asking and attracting more passion and romance-book-like-sex in our lives.

How do I know this?

Without making this post about me, let me give you the cliff-notes version of my sex life.

My first time was not ideal. As a young woman I experienced various abuse and harassment. For over a decade I thought sex was terrible, emotionally disappointing, and devoid of any spiritual connection. All my lovers during that time cheated on me because deep inside I wished there was somebody else to have sex with them. My romantic life didn’t improve until I decided to abstain and work on myself. I was celibate for nearly 3 years when I met my present partner. We will be celebrating our 12 year anniversary this March.

So I know a bit about the personal growth and healing work that needs to be done to have a healthy and loving relationship. But, the work doesn’t end there.

If you think about why you don’t have a certain thing today —like love, romance, and good sex—look back on your past experiences to tell you the reason.

Your negative experiences have created limiting beliefs that prevent you from having a better life.

  • Traumatic sexual or physical abuse will affect any future relationship.
  • A string of horrible partners will mess-up your ideas about love and trust.
  • Religious dogma will steer your belief systems.
  • A negative body image will undermine your confidence and overshadow all your actions.
  • Growing up a “giver” may hamper your ability to be a “receiver.”

If you were abandoned, betrayed, bullied, or failed in someway to name just a few of the growing-pains we experience—all of those bad events are affecting your ability to have a healthy relationship—sexual or otherwise.

Negative experiences create limiting beliefs that prevent one from having a better life. Click To Tweet

As you can read, the personal healing work is extensive to actually have romance-book-sex without the “drama.” A very important distinction for women who’ve “been there and done that” and now want something more — love making that is passionate, fulfilling, and true.

Let’s imagine you’ve done the healing and growth work—fantasize where your body, emotions, and spirit can take you? To the best union and orgasm you’ve ever had? I don’t doubt it.

Romance Book Sex in Real LIfe

How to have hotter sex…

  • There are two people who are really attracted to each other.

Once you’ve done your personal healing work attracting a worthy partner will be effortless. Your self-love will emanate a confidence that will shine like a beacon to men and women alerting them to your goodness and loveliness. A self-possessed woman is an intoxicating aphrodisiac. (Hot-damn!)

  • There is “drama & conflict” that feeds their attraction.

(Don’t you love checking things off on a list – like drama… We’re done!)

  • They get placed in romantic scenarios.

Once you’ve attracted your soul partner, put yourselves in romantic settings. Dim the lights, turn on Marvin Gaye, and dress for seduction.

When you’ve taken down the blocks that prevented you from believing in yourself—that you are a beautiful being worthy of the truest love—the easier it will be to unleash your sensual nature.

  • Each person is extremely focused on the other.

In order to have a healthy and positive focus on another person, we’ve had to put serious attention on ourselves.

When we come from a place of…

“I am whole.”

“I know my worth.” and

“I see my true self.” — only then can we see and value all those things in someone else.

  • The characters feel their feelings intensely.

To be connected to oneself—to be able to feel our deepest feelings—is the hardest and most rewarding healing work we could ever undertake.

When we have the ability to feel the spectrum of feelings available to us from anger to love in a healthy manner — meaning to acknowledge we have them, accept their validity, and then release them in time is our most powerful life asset.

With that life skill, we can overcome anything and feel everything like intense passion for another person. Of course in a totally healthy, non-stalker, non-Christian-Grey kind of way. Remember, by this time we’ve done our healing work so we are way past that drama.

  • They are very present during the act of sex – describing each sensation and movement.

Awareness is key to being happy and paramount in having good sex. You have to be in the moment. 😉

Being present takes practice and it’s something you can do now to prepare for your future of impassioned love-making! One way to practice presence is to ask yourself periodically — Where am I? What do I see? How do I feel?

Get in the habit of being self-aware — observing what’s around you without judgement and knowing your thoughts and emotions at that time.  The more present you become, the more memorable your sexual experience. Such mindfulness will also increase the peace and harmony in your everyday life.

  • Both orgasm.

Your healing work has brought you self-love and self-compassion—you are comfortable in your own skin—therefore when the time comes,  the easier it will be for you to accept and feel pleasure. It also doesn’t hurt to do appropriate research and practice. 🙂

  • They have genuine feelings for each other that grows.

To have great sex—that satisfies your mind, body, and spirit—you need to care about the other person.

Once you’ve done your personal growth and healing work this too works itself out because when you truly love and care about yourself, you would only have sex with people you genuinely are attracted to and have feelings for.

If you would like to increase your feelings and attraction for your partner, then think loving thoughts about them often. Reflect on the qualities you admire about them. Dwell on the happy memories you’ve shared.

Do this especially before you get home or right before bedtime—think about how lucky you are to have him or her in your life—and see how much more amorous you become.

I admit, this healing stuff is always a work-in-progress and that romance-book-sex isn’t always playing at my house—but when it’s on—you can’t put it down. 😀

I wish you growth, healing, lots of love, and romantic sex sans “drama” because that’s all part of an ageless lifestyle!

Tweet it like you mean it!

I deserve romance-book-sex in REAL life! Click To Tweet

If you need guidance in getting the love and romance in your life—among other happy-life essentials—then check out my life-coaching services.


Your coach,



Photo courtesy of and photostock

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