Have you come to the conclusion yet that your thoughts, feelings, and opinions matter? That even if your ideas are not worldly, in line with others, or perfect — they should matter to you and hopefully your loved ones.
One of the benefits of aging is gaining wisdom and finding our voice to express it when we want or not. (As sometimes not saying something is actually the wisest decision.)
For some, speaking their mind is easy. Others, expressing their heart comes naturally. There are those who are better at one than the other and there are people who can speak clearly from both.
It took years to find my voice—thoughts, ideas, and beliefs that mean something to me—and then more years to gain the courage to express them. My opinions may not be the best, brightest, or wisest, but they are my own and I value them.
Sometimes I choose to speak softly, on occasion, loudly, but no matter, it’s my voice and my right. I feel free to express my thoughts and feelings honestly and do so from a space of love. Time has given this to me and I am thankful.
What do I mean by “voice”?
Your voice is not just your ability to speak, but it’s the way you are able to confidently express what’s on your mind and in your heart.
Some people are more outspoken than others, while many of us have been taught from a very young age that, “You should be quiet unless spoken to”, “Don’t be too loud”, “We don’t talk about that here”, “You’re too young to speak of such things,” “What do you know”, “Sit still and look pretty,” and so on. For the individuals who heard these phrases over and over again, these teachings may influence how they conduct themselves in their present conversations.
Often times as children, our thoughts, feelings, and ideas were not believed, understood, and / or ignored which taught many of us the negative self-beliefs like, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m bad”, “I’m not capable”, “I’m hopeless,” and other similar disempowering beliefs. Some may still hold on to these limiting beliefs as adults.
Perhaps when we wanted to act or speak from the heart we were discouraged with phrases such as, “Get your head out of the clouds”, “Don’t be so emotional”, “You better toughen up, the world is a danger place”, “You talk too much”, “Your ideas are silly”, “Following your heart doesn’t pay the bills”, and we could go on sharing the many ways we’ve been made to “fall in line,” kowtow, and dial down our emotions and dull down our shine.
From my journey in finding my voice, I offer these three mindful steps to nurture yours. You are too wise my sister to just, “Sit still and look pretty.”
3 Ways to Find and Nurture Your Voice
The best way to find your voice is to remember how you lost it and to heal those memories. When in your lifetime did you decide speaking your mind was bad?
Finish these sentences:
When I tried to speak out as a kid my parents…
The first time I had to give a speech I remember…
In the past, when I offer my opinion it’s taken…
In order to find your voice, you need to heal the past experiences where you lost it and subsequently developed the limiting beliefs that currently prevent you from speaking more boldly today.
2. Get Honest with Yourself
Take the thing that is hardest for you to talk about and ask yourself the following questions:
Why is it so hard for me to talk about this?
What’s the worst that could happen if I speak up?
What will happen if I don’t say anything?
Putting your fears on paper has a therapeutic and clarifying effect. In writing your thoughts you can see why you have them, what areas in your life need healing, and what your silence is costing you. From there, you can choose to heal your issues and decide from a space of clarity if you will or won’t speak up. It’s always your right and choice to speak out or not, but don’t let it be a life regret where you wish you tried.
3. Practice Your Voice
Speaking out loud your thoughts and feelings may not be natural to you so practice saying them in private to yourself.
Hear your voice, listen to the words you say, and feel your feelings. As you do so, your conviction will increase and your confidence will rise. If you find that you’re “judging” or somehow being cruel to yourself, stop and apologize to yourself.
This would be a great time to chant the Ho’oponopono mantra meditation I spoke of last week where you say, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
In learning to voice your opinions and feelings, self-compassion is important. You have to be kind to yourself. You have to give yourself permission to say what must be said, accept why you must speak up, and love yourself fully for being courageous enough to say it.
A voice borne out of personal struggle is powerful.
Your voice is important, valid, and necessary.
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If you need help healing your past and uncovering your voice, then check out my EFT & Matrix Reimprinting services.